Hah. Hah. So. It's been a while. I know I said this would be daily and I apologize xD At first things just got hectic and recently I haven't been able to just come up with a coherent enough thought to put down. Yeah yeah I know I'm just cheating myself.
Good news: Still on my meds and stuff and still haven't drank. Thusly, all is good.
So. Where to start. Ok well, I think I know actually. So. First up? Sarah!
So that whole scenario has beens really... Strange and it's been forcing me really hard to be fully conscience of every last thing I do and really been forced to act outside of myself, if that makes any sense. I've been having to walk a tightrope to make sure that she doesn't get hurt as an unintended consequence of anything I do, while still trying my best to watch out for her. And I've been doing plenty of that. In fact, I've probably done more for her than most people would have, and while it's fine, it's really taxing. I'm not the Epitome of Morally Correct Behavior. That's Scott. I can't calculate every last move and word to make sure they're perfect. But that's what I've been having to do because her friend is an absolute worthless scumbag and is so hurtful to everyone around him that it's kind of scary. And I've been having to watch him hurt people. That's why I've gotten involved. I can't stand to watch the people I care about be hurt. Not at all. Especially not to the extent that he's been hurting Sarah. I've done everything I can and then some for this, and I just hope it has a positive outcome.
I have no real regrets about it though. I'm glad I was able to help someone so far, and hopefully it'll keep on going. As stressful as it is I'm looking at the silver lining. Can't get any worse than that right? I don't know yo. I'm really really glad I've been able to maneuver this maze of bullshit so far and have been able to know when I needed to call in higher authorities, and know when I needed to act certain ways. So far every move I've made I'm proud of because they've been as close to the right move as anyone of is physically capable of. The stress of being selfless has paid off.
The other thing with Sarah is that, somehow way I think we're somehow involved right now? We're not dating, not in as many words. But in every other sense of the word we are? It's weird. But it's nice. That aspect of it is completely stress RELIEVING and I'm ok with how things have turned out on THAT end of things. Not sure HOW they got to be that way in the first place, but, whatever.
So this whole scenario has real been consuming a lot of my conscious thought and effort recently. So. Explains a bit.
Second At Bat? Ashley!
She has herself a boyfriend now! :D I'm actually really happy for her and actually having watched her go through the process of actually acquiring said boyfriend, I know she's tremendously happy and just seeing her happy is making me really glad for her! She deserves it too. She's such an amazing person that she deserves to be as happy as she physically can, and I think that's getting to happen now :D She's been talking me through all my bullshit and helped me know when I was going too far down the rabbit hole and helped me realize whenI needed to take a step back.
Third? Raven. Meh.
So. After everything that happened that weekend, and after talking to Ashley about it fully I just. I came to terms with it. It bothers me. But like she said, it's outside of my control. I can't do a thing about it. Just accept it. And that's what I've done. Every other day I get flashbacks of everything, and it makes me stumble for a bit. But I recover, and I keep going. Because there's not much else I can do. And I was serious about everything I've said. And the only thing I have left to do is just that: Continue on my path.
I'm gonna leave it here for now. I'll edit in the counter later. But. That's it for now.
As Always: My Friends are Awesome.
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