So. I didn't exactly forget to post yesterday. I more made the conscious decision not to, and just wait. There were a few reasons for it, of which I put in my own private journal, so, that's that as far as that goes.
To bring it down chronologically, we'll start with yesterday. I spent most of yesterday hanging out with the Freshman, Sarah, and it was fun, and whatnot. And it just kind of reinforced my idea that my strategy of dealing with that entire situation, of just stepping back for a while and just dealing with it a day at a time every so often, is working. Because that's literally how that is going right now. I'm talking to her and hanging out with her for like a day or two at a time, and just sitting back and letting her little bitchy, shitty friend throw his fit and wait until she wants to hang out with me again. I'm letting her know that I'm available when I am, but I'm not going to play those high school games that her friends are playing. And so far it's working out.
Most of our time yesterday was working on homework, me helping her with an issue she's dealing with, and then playing games. And this is a circumstance that I can really tell my age, because as she talks about all these going on in her life, I know I've been there at different points. I know what those things are like, some of them I'm even at right now, and I can tell her in my experience, what is a safe way to navigate these scenarios. But I don't even like doing that. Because I'm not really part of her friend group and shit I can offer her neutral advice about what's going on. I literally just sit back and be like "Ok, so, if things are like X and Y, you have your choices, and whats possibly going on that you're not aware of is A, B, and C and only you can figure out what you should do.."
It's weird to think of me giving advice to anyone, but it turns out that I've dealt with more shit than I give myself credit for sometimes, and am actually right now in a place where I can actually be kinda useful. I opened her eyes to one thing, and as a result she is now in a happy relationship, of which I had nothing to do with. I just merely made her aware of how things were, and that's all I did. THat's really all I'm trying to do, all I try to do with ANYONE that comes to me for advice. I don't tell them what to do, or what they should do, I just try to help them see every angle of something, and then leave it at that.
And that's a strategy that I've developed from years of listening to some very good advice from a lot of real close friends and what not. I always notice that while I never pay attention to things they tell me to do, I pay attention to their observations of situations, and act based on those, not so much based on what they say I should do. And I feel like a lot of people don't really follow advice, so giving such straightforward advice is pointless. So I decided what I'd do instead is just try to educate and illuminate, and let them draw their own conclusions. Because no matter what I say, ain't nobody gonna do a damn thing. No matter what anyone says, ain't anybody gonna do a damn thing.
Today on the other hand, had a particularly shitty downturn from some texts and conversation. I was lucky at the time because I was with Ash, and although I don't think she noticed too much that I had a sudden dip, the fact was that because we were having fun regardless and hanging out and messing around, I was able to deal with it fairly decently. I put some distance between myself and the subject, and then when I was feeling better I dealt with it, and moved on. Of course, there was another substantial thing that occured in between the two.
AA. Meetings at AA are really working, and I couldn't tell you why at this point, but it's working. It really helps and so far every Friday I've gotten to Friday struggling to stay up, and being kicked down and just fighting my way there. And then along comes the AA meeting that always manages to rejuvenate me somehow, and it's helped. Quite a bit. The people there are really cool, and fun to talk to, and helpful. I know that I'm blessed with having amazing friends, but it's still hard to talk to people about some of the things that went through my head when I drank and why I drank and all that jazz. And although again I wasn't at a point where I was drinking every bloody day, I was still an alcoholic because there were very real parts of my life that I was incapable of dealing with without drinking. And I just. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see.
But it's now Friday night and I'm just chilling in my room, probably going to read until I fall asleep or something. And I don't know. Next Saturday is my 30 day mark, and the day that I take my biggest step forwards yet. And I'm terrified, and I just, idk. We will see what happens then.
Once again, I love my friends, thank you guys. I would be fucked without all of you. I love you, I really do.
[22/22 Days Running Without Alcohol/Smoking/Etc]
[17/22 Days Going to the Gym]
[22/22 Days Running Taking My Meds]
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