[9/26] Entry Eight: Jaded

Sorry about the late one tonight: Went to go play at a magic draft for the first time in months and it started at midnight so, we didn't get back till about 5 am.

Anyways, there was a slight weight lifted off my shoulders today. And not really? I don't know how to put it, and it's hard being honest about it because I feel like even to myself, I have to try to save face. So I've even put it otherwise to myself, but blah. Ok. I'm done beating around the bush: I've been recently ... flirting, with two chicks, to see my options and whatnot. And the one that I was going to decide to be the one I actually was going to try to get close to, told me today that she's "Not interested in a relationship right now." That was her text to me after I had tried talking to her about it. Everything else being, well, fun stuffz. But anyways, idk how I feel about that. I mean on the one hand I got turned down. But on the other hand, it might have saved me from myself? Because, not only are women my kryptonite, I was beginning to play around with the idea of actually dating her in my head? And, I'm perfectly aware that I'm not in a position, no matter how you look at it, to get into a relationship? And yet I was considering it? Definitely not a bright idea. Idk. But I also feel like I had a weight lifted because I don't have to prove myself to her anymore.

Also. her super religious, super straight-laced cut friend is afraid that I'm going to be a bad influence on her, and I quote, "because of temptations like Cards Against Humanity." Not shitting here, that happened today. I laughed my ass off at that. So very hard. I didn't even try to hide how silly I thought she was for honestly believing that. Was it mean? Probably? But, whatever, idgaf.

((Pandora One is Golden))

It's also one of the traps that I've mentioned before that I was afraid for falling for: The whole women and emotions and relationshits thing. So, thankfully this one was avoided for me. And again on the one hand I'm glad but on the other I'm dejected. But I mean whatever, life goes on.

Hey look! I've officially been sober for a week As of today. YAYAY. Fuck Yes. Sorry but that's an accomplishment. That hasn't happened in about three months so, whatever, I'm going to pat me on the back. I got AA tomorrow/later tonight and I'm hoping to be able to hit 90, but, remember, a day at a time.

Also I'm getting really close to figure out what my first tattoo will be. I know where I want it, I know I want it to be a bird of some kind, probably a white one, and it's going to be encircled in text, half of the text is going to be the AA motto, "One day at a time" and the other half is going to be something like "Remember the Fallen" or "Don't forget the lost" or something. They will be clearly seperated. If two/three people ask me why, I'll explain every part of it. Or maybe I'll explain it later, but right now I'm exhausted and going to bed.

Also, for everyone reading this: I love you.

[7/7 Days Running Without Alcohol/Smoking/Etc]
[6/7 Days Going to the Gym] 
[7/7 Days Running Taking My Meds]