[1/14] Entry 40: What's up

So, posting in here again after not posting for a while.

I've been grappling with a lot of the same issues, they've been showing up in dreams and shit, but I'm slowly understanding how to maneuver around them better. I start work Friday, right off the bat first day back on campus so, that should keep me busy.

Really looking forward to seeing Sarah, and facing some of my demons on campus.

I don't know, I just don't know. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Going back over the past... Shit 7.5 years, and counting every mistake I've made, taking stock, seeing how many more times I made it. Good news is I have in fact learned, bad news is I still make more mistakes than I'd like. I mean, to err is to be human and all that jazz, but there's some I just, wish I did't have to make.

But I came upon another realization, for a variety of reasons stemming from parents and my childhood, there were  alot of basic social lessons and mistakes that most people learned when they were really young, that I just never understood/learned/went through. A large part of it comes from my parents and shit, and the fact that they were never parents, and never understood how to be and considered their kids to be things, in retrospect. Even now they have no idea how to cope with the idea that their children are human beings, and not tools for their fancy. It's strange and difficult to grow up in that environment, and even more so with parents as restrictive as them. But I made it out in spite of them, and I've been slowly learning what I missed out on. So I guess it is what it is. Just wish it hadn't cost me so much.

Hoping I'm better armed for what comes than I used to be.

Still sober, still on meds, and understanding the importance of the two, and the issues come with drinking and not being on meds. It's strange, but it is what it is.